Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
