She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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