don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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