I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
