he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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