She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
