What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
