i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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