The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
