When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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