Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
