i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
