So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize