Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
