HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
