I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im part way to drunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
