Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
