sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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