Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
