We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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