Your mouth is God's brothel.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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