Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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