hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
