What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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