Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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