pedialite and red bull = repair kit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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