just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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