she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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