im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
