I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
