we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
