If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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