The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
