I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
