I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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