Swine flu is the new snow day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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