Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
