walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
