I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
