i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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