Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
