when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize