ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
