remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
