So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
