Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize