I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize