You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
