As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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