five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
