Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
