Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
