I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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