If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
