Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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