I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
