I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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