that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
