so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
