Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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