We won't sleep together?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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