It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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