i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
