I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
