you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
