Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
