so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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