I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I deserve this hangover.
Oh god it's open bar.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
