The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
