We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
