y did u give ur computer a hand job?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize