Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
